Funny Jokes

"Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Think
about it. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man .
. . living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of
every day. And the invisible man has a list of 10 specific things he
doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send
you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and
anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money."

- George Carlin

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized.


"Well,"
said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a
teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

lols..... the first one is funnier

haha, pull the plug

he he he

yeah, lol, they are both ace funnyness!!!!!

TheFirstKnight wrote:During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized.


"Well,"
said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a
teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

niiceee

NejiFan wrote:

TheFirstKnight wrote:During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized.


"Well,"
said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a
teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

niiceee

haha! that's really good!

It was really funny!

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several
weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been
granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said,
"You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after
another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the
woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only
are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little
dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you
Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat
holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side
of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Two men dressed in pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are
wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads
through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and
the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around,
searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None
is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and
the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight
for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to
look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams
fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all
retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is
in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
“You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and
we’re all gonna die.”

TheFirstKnight wrote:Two men dressed in pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are
wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads
through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and
the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around,
searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None
is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and
the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight
for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to
look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams
fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all
retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is
in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
“You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and
we’re all gonna die.”

OMG, lol...i have never laughed so hard......

your jokes just get better and better TKN....lol....i salute you!!!

HA HA HA HA HA

i know, lolz

TheFirstKnight wrote:An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several
weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been
granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said,
"You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after
another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the
woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only
are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little
dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you
Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat
holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side
of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

lolz

TheFirstKnight wrote:Two men dressed in pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are
wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads
through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and
the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around,
searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None
is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and
the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight
for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to
look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams
fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all
retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is
in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
“You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and
we’re all gonna die.”

i gotta copy this too funny!!

its ace isnt it...........?

Hell yeah lol

lmao

hmph

NejiFan wrote:

TheFirstKnight wrote:Two men dressed in pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are
wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads
through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and
the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around,
searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None
is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and
the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight
for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to
look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams
fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all
retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is
in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
“You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and
we’re all gonna die.”

i gotta copy this too funny!!

It was hilarious!