Funny Jokes

Choushi wrote:A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are small. ''Does this
shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''
she asks.


The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she
always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make
them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''



Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''



''How!?!?!?'' she asks.



''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''



''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.



''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.



''How did you know that?'' she wonders.



''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''

panthachild wrote:There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the
drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts
crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here,
I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall
asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When
I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police
said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I
leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab
driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the
gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was
thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my
poison."

UnknownMarauder wrote:lol I tend to like Ethnic jokes. My favorite:

An Irishman walked out of a bar.

Koneko_Bozu8 wrote:I got a joke...I have nothing against blondes tho...sum of the smartest friends I have are blonde

okay

there are two blondes looking at themselves in the mirror

one of the blondes asks, "I wonder which is closer, the moon or florida?"

then the other blonde replies, "Well duh...it's the moon...you can actually see it

UnknownMarauder wrote:A woman and her blond husband were walking donw the road one day.

Suddenly, she stopped and said "Oh look, honey! A dead duck!"

He looked up and said 'Where?"

Sayomi Hatake wrote:ok i got a blonde joke

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"


In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."


Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb
black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a
rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a
wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you
still wanna tell that joke?"


The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Sayomi Hatake wrote:here is some more lol

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.


The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.


He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.


Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.


The blonde started laughing.


This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.


This time the blonde laughed even harder.


Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.


The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.


The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Sayomi Hatake wrote:i think i like the blonde jokes better




Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Sayomi Hatake wrote:There was a blonde driving down
the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke
after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio
off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field
in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled,
"It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd
come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

Kiami wrote:A blonde says "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

A woman says "It's 11:25PM

The blonde says(with a confused look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

DeI-kUn~ wrote:lol....

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 called the White House with this reply, "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

TheFirstKnight wrote:A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive
when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to
pull over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde,
‘Stand in that circle and DON’T MOVE!’.
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, ‘Oh you think that’s funny? Watch this!’
He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Now she’s laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his
truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
‘What’s so funny?’ the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, ‘Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped outside the circle!!

DeI-kUn~ wrote:The Perfect Worker

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered
lines.

DeI-kUn~ wrote:Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

KatEyez wrote:

DeI-kUn~ wrote:Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

*gasping for breath, because lauaghing to hard* man these are some good one's!