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King_Of_Blades
Banouin
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zen like lemons
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TheFirstKnight
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72 posters
Funny Jokes
quater- Hezi
Number of posts : 118119
Age : 33
Fanclubs : Shikamaru! NCS WOTN Veteran Princes! Soul Eaters
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Registration date : 2007-05-21
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- Post n°651
Re: Funny Jokes
Sure whoever you are.
Banouin- Ryuujin
Number of posts : 46551
Age : 33
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- Post n°652
Re: Funny Jokes
...*Faceplam*
King_Of_Blades- Citizen
Number of posts : 10075
Age : 30
What's up Tab : Watching One Piece.
Fanclubs : jesus freaks FC WOTN vetrean princes, WOTN birgade,Soul Eaters
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Registration date : 2008-05-29
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- Post n°653
Re: Funny Jokes
Stop hitting youself. Yous gonna hurt yourself. Xd
D-Dei- Citizen
Number of posts : 49291
Age : 1014
What's up Tab : "I've made up my mind. I'm gonna become an emu."
BEL.the.Ripper.
- Spoiler:
- The first Alice was a courageous red one
With a Sword in one hand through Wonderland
She cut down, many things that stood in her way
Making a path that was a trail of blood
The alice walked deep into the woods and then she was trapped
A prisoned sinner
There was no way of knowing she was there
Except the red path that followed behind her
The second Alice was a calm, blue one
Singing a song that filled wonderland
The false notes which he sang till the end
Created a crazy world in wonderland
That Alice was born of a Flower
Was then shot by a cross-eyed man
Out from the wound then bloomed a flower
Everyone that had loved him, soon began to die
The third Alice was an innocent green one
A beautiful figure there in wonderland
She had fooled many people to do her bid
A strange country was then created up
The Alice was the queen of the country
Possessed by a dream of distortion
Afraid of losing her life to death
Ruling the country of hers forever
Walking down a red path in the forest
Under the blue rose trees, the two had tea time
An invitation to them from the castle was
The playing card of hearts
The fourth Alice was a pair of children twins
They were curious througout the wonderland
They traveled through the doors to see all kinds of things
From there wandering that they had just arrived
A stubborn big sister, and smart little brother
They were nearing the first alice's wonderland
The two were to never to wake from their dream
The twins then wandered through wonderland endlessly!
Fanclubs : Deidara Fanclub.
Village :
Happiness bar :
Registration date : 2007-07-31
AMP
Natural: 0
Power: 0
Instinct: 0
- Post n°654
Re: Funny Jokes
What about this.
You change yyour password.
Simple, no?
You change yyour password.
Simple, no?
KarateKeyaQ- Citizen
Number of posts : 41152
Age : 14
Village :
Happiness bar :
Registration date : 2007-10-30
AMP
Natural: 2
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Instinct: 2
- Post n°655
Re: Funny Jokes
TheFirstKnight wrote:
- Spoiler:
A quick narrative. I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was
younger. I couldn't afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It is a '70
Mustang, and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the prototypical juvenile,
male-caveman, scratch your crotch and drink cheap beer car. Chromed
engine, dual exhaust, 250 horsepower, big tires, tra la la la.
I'm driving Bessie on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in a
beat up truck. He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker. I
accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this assh*le, over aerobicized
woman jumps in front of my car with her hand up.
Meet Ethel, the neighborhood busybody/nuisance. She proceeds to
yell in my window, "Hey, slow down you %$&#@ idiot." I'm a
well-bred, mellow guy by nature, so I ignore this. As I drive away, she
yells, "asshole" at me again. Twice? *&%$# that. I turn around and
drive up next to her.
"Do you have a problem?" I ask.
"Yeah, why are you driving like an idiot?"
"I was driving like an idiot? How, exactly?"
"You were speeding. I watched you." "You were? I see. How did you measure my speed?" (Ever the interrogator, I am.)
"I heard you."
"So, you measured my speed by ear?"
"I can hear."
"How fast did you HEAR me going?"
"Look," she says, "I don't have to take this. Here comes a cop. I'll wave him down."
THE POLICE? This woman is a trip. She waves him down, and proceeds to tell him that she observed me speeding.
"What happened?" he asks. I told him the story, and told him that I
accelerated to an indicated 30 mph (the speed limit is 50) to avoid a
collision.
"Are those mufflers legal?" Ethel asks.
She's pushing it. I reply, "I have a C.A.R.B. exemption for them." I give the paperwork to the cop.
She tries to find another thing to screw me with. She says "What
about those big tires? They CAN'T be legal. " I began feeling little
overheated gears in the back of my head start to turn.
"These tires were available on the 1970 Boss 429, " I told the cop, " Which makes them street legal as a replacement."
Ethel gets angry. She whines, "So you're not going to give out any tickets to this assh*le?"
The cop says, "No, I am not."
I've about had it. So I say, "Sir, this woman told you that she
left the street at the corner, and then she met up with my car here.
According to Title 19, pedestrians have to cross the street at a right
angle. This woman admitted she crossed at a 45-degree angle, which is a
ticketable offence."
"What?" The cop looks confused.
"Also, she told you that she walked in front of my car to stop me.
A citizen can't detain someone without probable cause, under Terry v.
Ohio (My new favorite case). Since she couldn't measure my speed, she
had no probable cause to detain me. That is an indictable offence."
The cop says, "But, I didn't see any of this."
"But," I said, "I did, and, as an officer of the Court, I can
demand her arrest. I'll agree to dismiss the Illegal Detention charge,
but I want her cited for not crossing at a right angle and Hazardous
Conduct on a Public Street."
The cop called his Lieutenant, and after the cop told the story, he authorized the summonses.
She went home with $215.00 worth of traffic tickets, and they are
worth a total of four points against her license, as well as the
appropriate insurance surcharge!
Of course, if she demands a trial I won't prosecute. But the look
on her face as she walked away was more than enough satisfaction for
me.
Yeah, I've passed the bar, and I'm on a mission from God.
She really had that one coming.
CLAIRVOYANTdisease- Citizen
Number of posts : 61517
Age : 461
What's up Tab :
Fanclubs : Neji & Kiba
Village :
Happiness bar :
Registration date : 2008-10-26
AMP
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Power: 700
Instinct: 700
- Post n°656
Re: Funny Jokes
D-Dei wrote:What about this.
You change yyour password.
Simple, no?
Then we see how long it takes til Q has to reset his password and reveal it to WOTN again xD
D-Dei- Citizen
Number of posts : 49291
Age : 1014
What's up Tab : "I've made up my mind. I'm gonna become an emu."
BEL.the.Ripper.
- Spoiler:
- The first Alice was a courageous red one
With a Sword in one hand through Wonderland
She cut down, many things that stood in her way
Making a path that was a trail of blood
The alice walked deep into the woods and then she was trapped
A prisoned sinner
There was no way of knowing she was there
Except the red path that followed behind her
The second Alice was a calm, blue one
Singing a song that filled wonderland
The false notes which he sang till the end
Created a crazy world in wonderland
That Alice was born of a Flower
Was then shot by a cross-eyed man
Out from the wound then bloomed a flower
Everyone that had loved him, soon began to die
The third Alice was an innocent green one
A beautiful figure there in wonderland
She had fooled many people to do her bid
A strange country was then created up
The Alice was the queen of the country
Possessed by a dream of distortion
Afraid of losing her life to death
Ruling the country of hers forever
Walking down a red path in the forest
Under the blue rose trees, the two had tea time
An invitation to them from the castle was
The playing card of hearts
The fourth Alice was a pair of children twins
They were curious througout the wonderland
They traveled through the doors to see all kinds of things
From there wandering that they had just arrived
A stubborn big sister, and smart little brother
They were nearing the first alice's wonderland
The two were to never to wake from their dream
The twins then wandered through wonderland endlessly!
Fanclubs : Deidara Fanclub.
Village :
Happiness bar :
Registration date : 2007-07-31
AMP
Natural: 0
Power: 0
Instinct: 0
- Post n°657
Re: Funny Jokes
Oh.
Q changes it?
Nevermind.
Q changes it?
Nevermind.
quater- Hezi
Number of posts : 118119
Age : 33
Fanclubs : Shikamaru! NCS WOTN Veteran Princes! Soul Eaters
Village :
Happiness bar :
Registration date : 2007-05-21
AMP
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- Post n°658
Re: Funny Jokes
Only when bano forgets. So he can login again.
SickSelfishSyQo- Citizen
- Number of posts : 21639
Age : 57
What's up Tab : I'm so ninja, I cut my pizza with a sword.
Fanclubs : Soul Eater
Village :
Happiness bar :
Registration date : 2008-11-26
AMP
Natural: 37
Power: Frostbite
Instinct: 43
- Post n°659
Re: Funny Jokes
KarateKeyaQ wrote:TheFirstKnight wrote:
- Spoiler:
A quick narrative. I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was
younger. I couldn't afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It is a '70
Mustang, and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the prototypical juvenile,
male-caveman, scratch your crotch and drink cheap beer car. Chromed
engine, dual exhaust, 250 horsepower, big tires, tra la la la.
I'm driving Bessie on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in a
beat up truck. He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker. I
accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this assh*le, over aerobicized
woman jumps in front of my car with her hand up.
Meet Ethel, the neighborhood busybody/nuisance. She proceeds to
yell in my window, "Hey, slow down you %$&#@ idiot." I'm a
well-bred, mellow guy by nature, so I ignore this. As I drive away, she
yells, "asshole" at me again. Twice? *&%$# that. I turn around and
drive up next to her.
"Do you have a problem?" I ask.
"Yeah, why are you driving like an idiot?"
"I was driving like an idiot? How, exactly?"
"You were speeding. I watched you." "You were? I see. How did you measure my speed?" (Ever the interrogator, I am.)
"I heard you."
"So, you measured my speed by ear?"
"I can hear."
"How fast did you HEAR me going?"
"Look," she says, "I don't have to take this. Here comes a cop. I'll wave him down."
THE POLICE? This woman is a trip. She waves him down, and proceeds to tell him that she observed me speeding.
"What happened?" he asks. I told him the story, and told him that I
accelerated to an indicated 30 mph (the speed limit is 50) to avoid a
collision.
"Are those mufflers legal?" Ethel asks.
She's pushing it. I reply, "I have a C.A.R.B. exemption for them." I give the paperwork to the cop.
She tries to find another thing to screw me with. She says "What
about those big tires? They CAN'T be legal. " I began feeling little
overheated gears in the back of my head start to turn.
"These tires were available on the 1970 Boss 429, " I told the cop, " Which makes them street legal as a replacement."
Ethel gets angry. She whines, "So you're not going to give out any tickets to this assh*le?"
The cop says, "No, I am not."
I've about had it. So I say, "Sir, this woman told you that she
left the street at the corner, and then she met up with my car here.
According to Title 19, pedestrians have to cross the street at a right
angle. This woman admitted she crossed at a 45-degree angle, which is a
ticketable offence."
"What?" The cop looks confused.
"Also, she told you that she walked in front of my car to stop me.
A citizen can't detain someone without probable cause, under Terry v.
Ohio (My new favorite case). Since she couldn't measure my speed, she
had no probable cause to detain me. That is an indictable offence."
The cop says, "But, I didn't see any of this."
"But," I said, "I did, and, as an officer of the Court, I can
demand her arrest. I'll agree to dismiss the Illegal Detention charge,
but I want her cited for not crossing at a right angle and Hazardous
Conduct on a Public Street."
The cop called his Lieutenant, and after the cop told the story, he authorized the summonses.
She went home with $215.00 worth of traffic tickets, and they are
worth a total of four points against her license, as well as the
appropriate insurance surcharge!
Of course, if she demands a trial I won't prosecute. But the look
on her face as she walked away was more than enough satisfaction for
me.
Yeah, I've passed the bar, and I'm on a mission from God.
She really had that one coming.
Someone turns in front of you without a blinker so you speed up and swerve?? O_o
quater- Hezi
Number of posts : 118119
Age : 33
Fanclubs : Shikamaru! NCS WOTN Veteran Princes! Soul Eaters
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- Post n°660
Re: Funny Jokes
A lot of times its easier to speed up and swerve an object then try to hit the brakes or something.
SickSelfishSyQo- Citizen
- Number of posts : 21639
Age : 57
What's up Tab : I'm so ninja, I cut my pizza with a sword.
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- Post n°661
Re: Funny Jokes
What about just swerving at your current rate of speed?? That's what makes the other guy look like the ass. When you speed up and swerve it's you that looks like the bad driver.
TheFirstKnight- Citizen
Number of posts : 8141
Age : 358
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- Post n°662
Re: Funny Jokes
if you don't speed up and swerve, you run the risk of hitting a car in the other lane. If you speed up and serve a bit, you stay in your own lane and avoid hitting the car. If you brake suddenly, the car behind you won't have time to react and will rear end you.
SickSelfishSyQo- Citizen
- Number of posts : 21639
Age : 57
What's up Tab : I'm so ninja, I cut my pizza with a sword.
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- Post n°663
Re: Funny Jokes
Assuming there's a car in the other lane??
TheFirstKnight- Citizen
Number of posts : 8141
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- Post n°664
Re: Funny Jokes
it's better to err on the side of caution than not. When you have to react that fast, you can't go through the process of looking in your mirror then looking over your shoulder. By that time, the car will hit you.
Of course, being a woman, you don't know these things.
Of course, being a woman, you don't know these things.
quater- Hezi
Number of posts : 118119
Age : 33
Fanclubs : Shikamaru! NCS WOTN Veteran Princes! Soul Eaters
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Registration date : 2007-05-21
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- Post n°665
Re: Funny Jokes
Agreed with TFK. SSS you just like to start arguments, it seems.
TheFirstKnight- Citizen
Number of posts : 8141
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- Post n°666
Re: Funny Jokes
of course, male logic trumps female logic.
quater- Hezi
Number of posts : 118119
Age : 33
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- Post n°667
Re: Funny Jokes
A very non sexist way to put it.
TheFirstKnight- Citizen
Number of posts : 8141
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- Post n°668
Re: Funny Jokes
i'm all about the equal opportunity here.
quater- Hezi
Number of posts : 118119
Age : 33
Fanclubs : Shikamaru! NCS WOTN Veteran Princes! Soul Eaters
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- Post n°669
Re: Funny Jokes
I can tell. You're a good person.
TheFirstKnight- Citizen
Number of posts : 8141
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- Post n°670
Re: Funny Jokes
yup, I have a glow of goodness all around me.
Last edited by TheFirstKnight on Mon Nov 02 2009, 06:33; edited 1 time in total
quater- Hezi
Number of posts : 118119
Age : 33
Fanclubs : Shikamaru! NCS WOTN Veteran Princes! Soul Eaters
Village :
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Registration date : 2007-05-21
AMP
Natural: 56
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Instinct: 50
- Post n°671
Re: Funny Jokes
A chakra of goodness? Xp
SickSelfishSyQo- Citizen
- Number of posts : 21639
Age : 57
What's up Tab : I'm so ninja, I cut my pizza with a sword.
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Registration date : 2008-11-26
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- Post n°672
Re: Funny Jokes
O_o
quater- Hezi
Number of posts : 118119
Age : 33
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- Post n°673
Re: Funny Jokes
I don't know why I said that either.
But then again, it was 3 months ago. I am a different person now!
But then again, it was 3 months ago. I am a different person now!
Toshii- Citizen
Number of posts : 57667
Age : 27
What's up Tab : Toshiro~ ^_^ x3
Cat~
Shadows of Loneliness - Chapter 11
My mind is a complicated thing even to me.
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- Post n°674
Re: Funny Jokes
???
UreshiiQ- Citizen
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- Post n°675
Re: Funny Jokes
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
I cracked up with this one :D
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
I cracked up with this one :D