Craziest Conspiracy theory (Also stupidest)

This is a contest, somewhat, to make the craziest conspiracy. It was inspired by waffles, and this was his conspiracy.

As I was saying.... breathing is a conspiracy. The soup companys wants
you to think you have to breath so you will inhale thier nano machines
that controll your mind and make you buy chicken noodle soup to support
to support thier time travel program so they can travel back in time to
harvest dinosaur meat and feed it to orphans wich allows them to
controll the orphans minds and use them as neo-soliders to take over
the globe. Then they can force everyone to live in log cabins wich
gives you malaria. Then every one will have to buy to buy thier
antidote wich will make them super rich!!!

Make the craziest theory you can and you will a very, very special prize. It was given to me when I won this thread years ago, and I am now offering this esteemed reward to the winner.

The theory can make sense, such as: Americans are getting fatter because it is to hard to find thin clothes for tall people, thus they have no choice but to get fat or be nude.

Or as ridiculous as a theory that proves rugmakers in India are the cause of World War 2 and also the anti-christ. **Winning theory by me ^_^

Just one thing I would suggest and that is to take really nothing seriously said by the people here, and to make it as ridiculous as possible but base it on evidence so it sounds slightly possible.

^_^ Get to it!

*attempts to remember all the details of my conspiracy*
*There's actually a Facebook group for this*

The penguins are running a conspiracy. They are taking over the world one species at a time. They are currently battling the squirrels because the squirrels have already made bases in many areas of America. They capture the squirrels, take their fur, and wear it themselves in order to infiltrate the squirrel headquarters. Every one of those bald cats, dogs, and other freakish bald mammals are squirrels that have been stripped of their fur by the penguins. The squirrels that run in front of cars are trying to escape capture, but are actually being forced by the penguins to run in front of the cars. They are too dangerous to keep as bald pets. They must be removed, and what better way than to make it look like an accident?
After they have taken over the squirrels in America, they will work their way up to the leaders of America. After that, the world comes easily.

Wow! That's off to a good start.

Seems this is going to be a fierce competition. ^_^

Heh. Thanks. *is proud of crack conspiracy*

Bunnies are a conspiracy , they use there cuteness to trick u so while u adore them , one sneaks into your pocket and steals your wallet so they can use it to obtain valuble weponry to over throw the government and take over the U.S , then Canada , then south America , then Africa , then Earth , Then the Universe!!!

Another cute animal conspiracy... >_>
Mine was more original. ^_^

Wtf?
If anything, you need to watch out for squirrels.
They seem so innocent, but they are an organized group of EVIL! Have you noticed those squirrels that always run in front of a car? Those are kamikaze squirrels. They do this in the chance that a driver will swerve and cause an accident, maybe even a 9 car pile-up! The ones that are hit are then biological weapons! Think about it! They rot and form little capsules of dangerous diseases exposed to humans! Those acorns you always find near trees? You just wait, they are currently trying to find away to fill those with explosives, which is why they are always collecting them! We let them near our children! If you have a pet squirrel, it's a personal assassin with the mission to learn about our culture and then destroy you.

And don't think other animals are just there, don't be fooled. The bunnies are an ally of squirrels. They will attempt to get diseases and harm you with scratches and bites! I should know, a bunny I knew would scratch my friend on the wrist constantly. That was to make it look like suicide!

Squirrels are set on destroying humanity. You must guard yourself. Do humans a favor and go squirrel hunting at your closest playground. Protect the kids.

Psh. Mine was the original conspiracy! Although, that information is incredibly helpful! *runs off to secret penguin base*

What's with all the fuzzy animal conspiracies?

Crazy? It's true >.>

Who said anything about crazy?

>.> ... NOBODY, THAT'S WHO!

I KNEW IT!!! >:C

GRRR!!!

*rawr*
*wins*

-eats brain-
-takes trophy-
^_^

*already has seen trophy*
It shall be MINE! >:D

:P Nupe

-swallows trophy-

*pulls out scissors* Must we really do this the hard way? >:D

Scissors are a huge conspiracy.
They seem like a regular impliment in an office, but what they're really up to is beyond cutting paper. They're either out to make us mentally insane or to take our children alive.
Think about those safety scissors! They don't even cut anything, they just make the paper bend and crinkle up, forcing you to get a new piece and try again! Soon, you get annoyed by them, and try to go for a regular pair of scissors, but for one reason or another, they're never there. Why's that? The regular scissors are either upstairs, watching your child color at the table in front of them, stuffed in a drawer and plotting revenge with the cork screw and skewers, or, God forbid!, being used by your children!
There's the other part -- while you're downstairs, going mentally insane about those safety scissors (who are just there to distract you from your children, because every parent knows that you don't want to get your angry self near your children, and of course the regular scissors are there with the children), your children are upstairs, coloring and doing little arts and crafts. They go for the regular scissors and then SHAAA, the scissors attack! When the child drops the scissors because s/he cut his/her fingers, the scissors stab their lap, and just drop even further to stab their poor feet! Yes, these regular scissors are only trying to rip your children apart, while the safety scissors will force you to go into an insane asylum!
Soon, all of the regular scissors will have all of the children ripped to shreds and attending their funeral services, and all of the safety scissors will be watching all of the adults that they put into the insane asylum, both acting innocent until they all gather, with the cork screws and skewers as their accomplices, plotting their plans to take over and quite possibly destroy the world.
You have all been warned.

.....Abby......

Did you get sleep?

ROTFL

<.< >.> Maybe...

But the real question is DID YOU!?
x3

Nope! None!

And good to know I made the cut on your myspace! Q will kick me sorry ass huh!? xP

I knew it!

Yes he will! But I know you wouldn't do that to Claira...
OR WOULD YOU!? :O

o.o hold on, do what!? D:

Like, break up with her or do something really stupid.