Michael's Famous Last Words

Lying in bed at night was the worst part of the day for me. I thought about Michael constantly then, and normally cried myself to sleep. You see, he had gotten murdered, and he was my boyfriend. It didn't help either that I'm an insomniac. But, I'm definitely better, but for the first week or so, I kept reliving that five minute block of that Thursday in July.

Hannah had just come over to hang out for awhile, and we were chatting about some random art thing, and listening to Good Charlotte's first album. Suddenly, Hannah remembered that Krystal called and wanted to talk about something, so she called her real quick. I calmly sat and waited while Hannah talked to Krystal. "Hey Krystal. What did you want to talk about?" Pause. "Oh-oh my God.... oh my God are you serious?" My heart started pounding. 'Surely he's still alive. Surely they only caught him.' I kept telling myself over and over. "Okay, I'll tell her. She's sitting right here. Bye Krystal." Hannah hung up. Trying to play it cool, I said "Did they catch him." Pause. "Shawnee..." Hannah started. She inhaled. "He's dead." she said. I blinked a couple of times. It took a couple of minutes to sink in, but the tears didn't fall at first. "Hannah, can you hand me those scissors?" I said. "Where? I can't see them..." "Just never mind." I grabbed the scissors and held them to my arm and pressed down as hard as I really could. Blood bubbled up, and I pulled them away. "Shawnee! What the hell?!" exclaimed Hannah, grabbing the scissors from me. I broke down right there and started sobbing. Blood was just boiling out of the clean cut, and it wasn't stopping easily.

For the first week, I became a recluse, and a punk ass one at that. Just ask everyone I got into an argument with on here. I was just so angry at myself because I promised Michael that he wouldn't die, and I LIED. Soon, though, I realized that I didn't have to go through this on my own, and I needed to calm down. So I did. And though I still get into random arguments, it's no big deal now.

Just recently, I was lying in bed and I couldn't sleep. It was typical, I was so tired that I couldn't sleep. I just layed there for the longest time, and I thought of Michael. I started to cry slightly, wondering if he felt any pain when he got murdered. Suddenly, this went through my head:
"And when I'm gone just carry on don't mourn, rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice and just know that, I'm looking down on you smiling, and not even feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain, just smile back."
I probably didn't get those lyrics right, but at any rate, I hadn't listened to "When I'm Gone" by Eminem for weeks, if not months. I realized that, maybe, just maybe, that Michael put that in my head. Right after that, I thought of Cupid's Chokehold (our 'song', but I had that stuck in my head anyways), and there was a cold presence around me. I smiled, and soon fell asleep.

I know now that I have to carry on, for me, for everyone else, and especially for Michael. Everytime I look at that bothersome scar on my arm, I think to myself "What an idiotic move." But Michael had his famous last words, and now I think I believe in Heaven sent, and miracles.