by I really really hate depression (when I type this, I will be swearing in my mind most likely because I am really pissed and mad and angry and grrrrrr, but I am trying hard not to scare you people with a swear fest because no one needs that)
If you don't know, I have been suffering from depression for years, and some of it is caused by my concussion. I don't know if any of you people even contemplated suicide, but I have on a few occasions, I was at the point where I had a knife in my hand and felt the weight of all the loneliness and helplessness and sadness from my life, but since I'm a coward I never had the courage to take my own life, and I thank Jesus Christ for that, because I know he has stopped me. But tonight I am feeling the same way, after realizing that I have no goals, no ambitions, or dreams to follow in my life. In other words, there is nothing for me to look forward to in my life.
The only dream of mine was to play in the NHL or pro Hockey, but because of my concussions, that dream was violently taken away from me, and the pain from that is one of the most horrible feelings I have ever felt, even more so then appendicitis, which almost killed me.
What purpose do I serve now? Am I just taking up space? I won't or rather can't be a productive member of society, someone with nothing to reach for. Nothing means anything to me anymore, graduating High school, going to university, growing up, falling in love, friendships, I feel as if its all meaningless.
But I suppose there is one thing I want to do, and that is I want to be a good father for my children. But frankly, I doubt I'll get that chance, since I'll most likely die before then.
I don't know what I was also going to say, but I guess maybe this, I have a big amount of memory loss. And I might have brain damage, and might not be physically be able to do things I love to enjoy, along with appendicitis and being sick a lot, it seems I have terrible luck, and some might call me cursed latter on.
I guess that's it for my rant
Hates Depression
amaterasu- Citizen
Number of posts : 34165
Age : 39
Village :
Happiness bar :
Registration date : 2007-07-11
AMP
Natural: 0
Power: 0
Instinct: 0
Share this post on: 
i've felt the same way before but that doesn't mean you have to throw it all away. there are other opportunities out there for you to seek out.
Hey, guess what?? I messed up my hips pretty badly - I can't be a dancer, which is what I have aways been and always wanted to be. Yes, its upsetting to have your planned path so distorted. So you can't do exactly what you want. That's no reason to throw the rest of your life away. That's just giving in way too easily.
Besides, you can't do your Lords work if you're not living your life to the best of your ability. Isn't this the time you are supposed to lean on Him and take refuge in His strength??
There's nothing worthless about anyones life. If you can't stand to live for your own aspirations then live for the people that care about you, and stop being so selfish ^^
Besides, you can't do your Lords work if you're not living your life to the best of your ability. Isn't this the time you are supposed to lean on Him and take refuge in His strength??
There's nothing worthless about anyones life. If you can't stand to live for your own aspirations then live for the people that care about you, and stop being so selfish ^^
sss is right, ama. even if your dream is taken away, or if your plans for the future gets ruined, you cant stop living. you and your life was created for a cause and you mean something to everyone around you. if you disappear, your family, friends, the people you have shared your existence with, will get sad.
also, i have been where you are. i have had the thought of taking my own life a lot of times. i have cried and wondered why i was born. why couldnt a more meaningful person have gotten the chance to live, instead of me? just the thought of meeting people and go through another day in life caused me such horrible pain. i wished that i would fall asleep and never weak up. i have cut and hit myself just because i hated myself. ... but i noticed that it didnt do anything better.
if you hate depression so much, you should try to do something about it. i know its hard, but what helped me getting through depression was taking that one little step, into a new beginning of my life. i decided to get new friends, i shared my thoughts with my family, i kept thinking more positive every day.
and what helped me the most was finding my first real love. i found someone that i could always depend on. he showed me how lucky i was, to be me. he made me understand that other people in the world has a worse life than me.
even if it have been a few years now, i do still get depressed. i still get those thoughts, but instead of letting the thoughts taking over.. i try to ignore them and think how lucky i am to still be alive. i have gotten the chance to help people and my existence have done a lot of good.
all i ask you to do, is to find a way of taking control over that depression. it will take a long time, but it will be woth it. *smiles*
Last edited by GL on Sat Jun 26 2010, 10:37; edited 1 time in total
also, i have been where you are. i have had the thought of taking my own life a lot of times. i have cried and wondered why i was born. why couldnt a more meaningful person have gotten the chance to live, instead of me? just the thought of meeting people and go through another day in life caused me such horrible pain. i wished that i would fall asleep and never weak up. i have cut and hit myself just because i hated myself. ... but i noticed that it didnt do anything better.
if you hate depression so much, you should try to do something about it. i know its hard, but what helped me getting through depression was taking that one little step, into a new beginning of my life. i decided to get new friends, i shared my thoughts with my family, i kept thinking more positive every day.
and what helped me the most was finding my first real love. i found someone that i could always depend on. he showed me how lucky i was, to be me. he made me understand that other people in the world has a worse life than me.
even if it have been a few years now, i do still get depressed. i still get those thoughts, but instead of letting the thoughts taking over.. i try to ignore them and think how lucky i am to still be alive. i have gotten the chance to help people and my existence have done a lot of good.
all i ask you to do, is to find a way of taking control over that depression. it will take a long time, but it will be woth it. *smiles*
Last edited by GL on Sat Jun 26 2010, 10:37; edited 1 time in total
oops xD just saw the brown color and assumed it was Q
*goes to change post* x)
*goes to change post* x)
sabaku no ketsueki wrote:Ama.......
Ket........
You need a hug. You're getting a hug sometime.
sabaku no ketsueki wrote:You need a hug. You're getting a hug sometime.
I'll wait for one with open arms !
Toshii wrote:*hugs ama*
aww
your a pretty nice person Toshii
amaterasu wrote:Toshii wrote:*hugs ama*
aww
your a pretty nice person Toshii
^_^ your welcome :D
I txted my friend on my new phone for the first time (that like someone taking their first step on their own)
sabaku no ketsueki wrote:It's the AMA HAS A PHONE?! face.
does the A stand for me?
oAo <-- my face
Yepp. See, I understand toshi so well. Who did you end up txting? :P
sabaku no ketsueki wrote:Yepp. See, I understand toshi so well. Who did you end up txting? :P
My bestis best friend besides you of course *winking face winking face*
amaterasu wrote:sabaku no ketsueki wrote:Yepp. See, I understand toshi so well. Who did you end up txting? :P
My bestis best friend besides you of course *winking face winking face*
That was sarcasm, I bet! Rawr!
Ah, so Mr. Zen Like Lemons?
sabaku no ketsueki wrote:amaterasu wrote:sabaku no ketsueki wrote:Yepp. See, I understand toshi so well. Who did you end up txting? :P
My bestis best friend besides you of course *winking face winking face*
That was sarcasm, I bet! Rawr!
Ah, so Mr. Zen Like Lemons?
no sarcasm?
It was him
Similar topics
