lately, blah

I don't really have anything to Rant about, and I don't know if what I am feeling is considered sad, perhaps just depressed. I bet (new thought that just popped into my head) that I have depression, because I heard that it comes and goes, but perhaps that is life.

Although I wouldn't be surprised if it was depression, I almost lost my grand father to depression way back when.

So I will just talk about things that are bothering me, if that is okay with you guys, maybe by the end of this I will move this to the personal one, because it could go there I guess.


So first off is our Societies. Not just Canada's but perhaps even America's as well. From what I have seen, we have reject God completely from our view, except at churches which are used on Sundays.

Its as if God is just there to be worshiped on Sunday for about 2 hours or so for the entire week, and after that he is gone. Its as if, Believers are a dying breed, and everyone is being sucked into the world view that everyone's opinion is sacred and saying anything that would upset people like saying this line

"your wrong"

is counted as insulting. What the Heck? At school, I can't call people Liars (not otehr students, but when we are taught about politicians and "important People" in our society and history. They will say something that isn't true, and I can't say their are liars?
Hypocrite is a harsh word, and so is liar, and it seems they are almost borderline hatred.

I can see more and more that the United Nations and Governments are not relying on God, but rather on their own abilities. I am reading Jeremiah in my bible study right now, and one of the reasons that Israel and Judah were taken into captivity by the Babylonians is because they rejected God and trusted in false Gods and so on.

I do fear for our Society, American's say they country is for God, but just looking at any one city, anyone would have doubts, from what I have seen, its not exactly a Godly nation. I actually was almost to the point of tears today when thinking about the nations of today's world, because really in the end, each man will be judged, and there are so many people who think they are saved and who are not, along with as many people who reject God completely. This thought just broke me down.

Where is the Love that should be prevalent in our lives?
Where are the people who are going to change the world for God?

Where are those who serve the LORD?


Why don't we do anything ourselves?

Does the scripture from revelations refer to our generation and our life time?

¹⁵I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! ¹⁶So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. ¹⁷You
say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But
you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and
naked.

(revelations 3:15-17)

These words have been ringing through my head today.

Be the Change you want to See.

If we want to see people live for God, we should be the first ones too.

Why do we not?

What are we afraid of?
Are we just trying to play safe?

How can we play safe when there are souls on the line?
When there are people who need salvation?

God is not a secret to be kept to ourselves.

But taking that leap seems scary now. It takes a lot of faith to throw everything away. We are scared of being wrong, to be rejected, to be laughed at and to have our shame shown.


We aren't (from what I have seen) relying on God, but rather we are trying to rely on ourselves too much
I think we should take this scipture to heart
(matthew 6:23
But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!)


now, personally, I am feeling pretty beat up and thrown down. Not just physically, I wouldn't speak about that like this. Because physical pains last only for awhile, but when you hurt your heart, it lasts a long time.

And now what is hurting me, is my heart. I know that right now, I am in a lose-lose situation.

I have hurt myself and my friends when I was lying and deceiving Aichu. We broke up around 3 weeks ago. And even though I don't talk much to anyone about how I am feeling inside, I can't hold it in any longer. I have sinned and hurt my friend pretty bad, but now that isn't the major thing bothering me.

What is bothering me, is that, I am most likely going to fire another blow to my friends, even though I do not want to.

I guess I should say this now, even though my inner most being screams for me not to.

I have been having a fast heart beat, and perhaps one would say a "throbbing chest" feeling, because of this one Girl.

No matter how hard I try, day or night, she never leaves my mind. I cannot force her out of my mind, day nor night. I think that this girl is making me become sick, with some strange disease. My heart is always "heavy" when its beating and it doesn't stop.

I cry out to Jesus, but still nothing changes.

But the weird thing is, whenever I see her, my heart feels relieved.

However, it appears that she likes someone else, or perhaps is even dating someone else.

But how can a guy read a girl's thoughts?


I hate causing drama, and I hate rumors.

But really, I don't have anywhere to go, except I need to talk with a friend whom you guys know as Zen like lemons.

and if anyone of you guys have any guidance or anything, just pm me or aim me, and I will gladly reply