Scene 1: The mystery awakes from the darkness
At Rise: A desk and chair (Harris sitting). Dim lighting and the office is rundown. There are pictures of windows hanging up covering almost all the walls and they dip into every crevice of the office and Jonjon enters
Jonjon: Hello are these the offices of Detective Harris?
Harris: Indeed these are my offices, what can I do for you mister?
Jonjon: Hey I am Jonjon Hoss and I have a case I would like you to look into for me
Harris: Just like they all do and I always accept. People always come in here needing problems solved. Maybe it's just the human condition. Things are hard now. Used to be a man could walk into the candy shop and strike oil, if you know what I mean?
Jonjon: I very much do not know what you mean. Alright, well, I have good reason to believe my wife is trying to kill me
Harris: Knife in the muffin eh? Used to be a man could eat his breakfast without finding cutlery in his baked goods. Those were the days. Back when the twenties were roaring, booze was cheap and the women were classy. Now the women are cheap and the booze is classy. I just don't know anymore.
Jonjon: Yeah, good stuff detective really, so you are helping me?
Harris: Well I am pretty busy but I think we can squeeze you in
Jonjon: Your receptionist was thrilled to see me, said you hadn't had a case in month
Harris: Well naturally after solving every case in this criminal corrupted Jacksonville the dark side of justice learned to fear my detective brilliance
Jonjon: So you are helping me, excellent! My murderous wife will be jailed and I will live a life free from fear of my blueberry muffins. A good quiet life every man deserves.
Harris: That reminds me want a twizzler (Points to a dish bowl full of the stuff) I'm not running out, no one's running out of anything these days. Not like it used to be, during the year of 35 we lived in Shacks and ate fried dust with a hint of grass, when the seasons were good
Jonjon: No, I don't want a dang Twizzler. You have absolutely ridiculous public relations. So are you helping me with my wif or not Mr. Harris?
Harris: I had dame troubles once. First name, Charlotte. Last Name, Trouble. She blew in like the dustbowl and was dry as...
Jonjon(cutting off Mr. Harris)
You're an idiot. I will find another detective in this Town to do my job!
(Jonjon Exits scene angrily)
(Enter Trixie)
Trixie: Mr Harris what happened? That young man just threw a chair at one of our windows.
Harris: Oh he was all to thrilled to take on my inquisitive \ mind for his case. I will retell you the tale and I want you to get his file ready.
Trixie: Oh good boss! You always know how to handle people
Harris: He walked into my office, like they all do. He was having some dame problems, a knife in the muffin. I'd seen it before. And I'd see it again. As long as there were evil people in this world there would always be the temptation for man to kill using the knife in the muffin style. It's been used since the beginning of time, and I sure foresee it being used till the last one of us good Americans has been blown up in a Communist Holocaust.
(Jonjon reenters scene)
Jonjon: Yeah hey Mr. Harris. Apparently you are the only detective in town, private, something about all the others running out of business in fear of you or leaving town. I didn't pay attention. So, let's do this again, I am sure you remember my case?
Harris: I remember lots of cases very well. More then a few I'd like to forget. You don't know the things I've seen, but I remember your case like it was only a week, maybe three ago.
Jonjon: I was here five minutes ago. Here's the deal, I'm gonna hire you but this time none of that sassy jibber jabber action of yours. We do things my way. Got it?
Harris(ignoring him): Now enough small talk Mr. Hoss, I have lot's of cases and can't waste time. Time is money. So onto your case. Trixie bring me the Hoss Muffin File.
Trixie: Here you go Mr. Boss!
Harris: Thanks Trixie you're a doll. So you see Mr. Hoss, you came in complaining about finding a knife in the muffin (Pulls out muffin and places on top of file) Thought it was the wife, this is a case I will never forget, the kinda case I can solve in a minute or two, just need to narrow down the suspects
Jonjon: How on Earth did you get that muffin and write a file on it? (Picks up the muffin) The freedom this isn't my muffin this is a croissant rolled up like a muffin.
Harris: I once suggested to a Burger Salesman he should sell Croissants, then tell people they could have them their way, and we mean their way, even shaped as a muffin. Now about how got your muffin, secrets of the Trade Mr. Hoss
Jonjon: That's not my muffin, and there is no trade, I am your only customer in a town with only one detective, bah forget it Harris I am willing to pay 500 dollars to have my case solved and no more nonsense. But the more nonsense the smaller the numbers.
Harris: Well well, Mr. Rockefeller I think we've got a deal
Trixie: Did I hear 500 big ones? We can finally afford to put in real windows instead of these pictures of windows boss!
Harris: Don't get to excited Trixie, we aren't millionaires. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a millionaire...-
Jonjon: You two are so stupid. And you are no dang millionaires! So I we have a deal I am leaving this joint, and this mishap cost you twenty bucks off the top.
Harris: Hold up Jonjon old chum, I have got your case just about wrapped up
Jonjon:Solved? Good man there is nothing to solve just catch my wife!
Harris: Don't worry I have solved this case. Meet me at “The Flamingoes Cans” in half an hour and I will explain it all.
(End Scene)
Last edited by quater on Tue Jun 03 2008, 21:44; edited 2 times in total
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Took me all day to read but I did it! :D
