Big Trouble.

I'm so angry and tired nowadays.
I don't know why.
Maybe I'm going through what they call the "teen angst" phase.
Yeah, that's probably it.

I'm getting sick of acting.
I'm getting sick of pretending to be that meek little polite girl in class.
I'm getting sick of seeming like I'm indifferent toward everything.
I'm getting sick of trying.
I've been totally different people that I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I like because I only know what I'm supposed to like. I don't know how to act because I only know how I'm supposed to act.
I've worn so many masks for too long. They're stuck on me, and I can't take them off. I don't think I have the courage to take them off.

...Yeah, definitely unneeded teenage drama. -__-;
Great. It just had to be during the most important school year. GRR.
At least I'm doing fine in physics.
Hopefully I'll do as fine on the Chem test tomorrow. :T

But is it selfish?
To let people down?
I'm always trying to be what they want to see, and if I refuse will that be an act of selfishness?

Now that I think about it, wouldn't it be great if we were all robots? (Haha KKQ, sorry for biting off of you. xPP)
I mean, no more worrying. No more being angry (some would say PMS-y. o__o). No more desire to act. No more chest pain. No more stomachaches. No more headaches. No more being unable to breathe.
It would be great.

Sometimes I feel like I need to change. For myself, or others, I don't know yet.
But I've always been a routine person, so I guess I'll have to stay that way.

At least I have friends that understand me to an extent, enough so the chaos of my life isn't so bad.
At least they stick with me most of the time, through belching contests and crazy teachers and stupid shit that we hate.
They remind me to stay humble and grateful that I'm not some orphan in a country filled with poverty and famine and war.

Yeah.
Besides, being a robot would have a bad side.
No more happiness, when it's there. No more relief when I ace a physics test. No more desire to go crazy when I eat (which, I admit, is fun). No more hurt.
We need hurt to see the bright side of things, right? Without one, you don't have the other, yeah?

Ehh, no matter how many perspectives I see this from, I think I'm still acting selfish and immature.
Oh well, that's teen angst for you.
Hopefully it'll be over by tomorrow so I can focus on school, which I do admit is getting more and more hardcore.

Yeah. Randomdeathcrazystory time.
Yesterday Hikage and I got off the bus stop and were walking down the street, and I felt the need to do something spontaneously idiotic and obnoxious.
So I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Well, not screamed. More like yell, "AAAAAHHHHHMYGAAAAAAAWDIHATESCHOOOOOOOOOL."
And these random dudes (from our district school, I think?) who I SO didn't notice walking in front of us heard me, turned around, waved, and were all "HI!"
(I think they were checking out Hikage. From like 20 feet away. But that's besides the point because I'm her BODYGUARD. And bodyguards do not let their bodyguardperson get checked out by guys who sound like they haven't even started puberty.)
Being the polite, social butterfly I am (haha) I waved back and was all "Whatup."
Yeah. I'm cool.
So we're walking, walking, walking, and they're sitting in front of some house.
Like, dude.
It's hot.
Why don't you guys go in. To an AC. Seriously. Your hair will get frizzier.
They didn't go in because they wanted to know if we knew them.
(And they were checking out Hikage.)
Kids, if we knew you we would be all "HI! I haven't seen you in ages! Blahblahblah, old people talk, blahblahblah!"
Did we?
Uh, no.
Stupid kids these days.
Trying to act all skater and cool and punk-ish and coolhaired.
FYI, superskinny jeans on dudes do not look good.
I can probably beat them up blindfolded.

...Yeah.
Teen angst over.
Chem test tomorrow.
YAAAAAAAAY.